Bonus!

Also: 

I have my own website. Mostly for my acting marketing.

http://web.mac.com/lynndowney

I'm looking to buy a domain name cause, again, it's 2009 and the internet's been round for a while. Any ideas?

Exercising

It's been a while. I'll say that. I have a Christmas cookie and I'm wearing it around my waist. And I'm again ready to say goodbye.

I had it good last year. I'm telling you, living in LA and submitting yourself on lacasting has its perks, one of which is that you can find out about free workout programs for new products. The Ab Rocket and the Ab Rocket fat blasting system really work. They really work if you eat right and work out. (Really???) It also helps to have an AMAZING trainer Ashley and a core group that has scheduled workout opportunities up to twice a day all week. I loved it and I did good. I did real good. Lost 10 inches total. Anyway, after the three months I stayed pretty fit. Then I got sort of fit. And now I'm not so fit.

Duh. Not a new story here. 

I guess I'm realizing that I have always relied on having other people make me work out. Probably relied on people to make me do a lot of things. I'm great with a syllabus, and man I can obey when commanded. (Commanded kindly of course, and encouraged along the way.) But grown up life isn't a classroom. I've realize in the last four years of living on my own here in LA that I have to make up my own syllabus. I have to really want something. Want it enough to go after it. And want it enough to make yourself accountable. Even if it is just to the two people subscribing to my blog. (Hi guys!) The thing is, its not just with working out. Its even those big dreams. Seeing them on paper for all to see really makes them REAL. Why not go for it?

So I'm here to say two things:

1) I ran tonight. Yeay! For a while too. About 35-40 minutes I bet. And I did the beginner and half the intermediate Ab Rocket workout. All while listening to This American Life. And it kept me going. 

2) I've been doing background work to make money and continue to learn about TV making and today was really sucky and hard, but for crying out loud, I spent all day eating berries. Who cares that you had to get up at 5:41am. Ok, that still sucked, but the sunrise was pretty, and guess what? I got through it. And I think I was supposed to learn something. I think I was supposed to learn to love more. To know that even if there are a million people, shuttled around like cattle, each one is a miracle. And I learned that you don't sign up for background work on the day after your first anniversary with your boyfriend. Just sleep in that day.

I wonder which was the real exercise today...

Please excuse me, I just blogged my pants.

So, I've always scoffed at bloggers. 

Like seriously scoffed. 

"Oh, yeah," they say, as they sip their non-starbucks espresso, glancing around as if someone had just called their name from across the room. "I, ya know, blaaaawwwged a bit last night. Wasn't much, you know, honestly." And then, as if they had been stranded, starved in the desert for 17 weeks and your coat was a land flowing with milk and honey and homemade bread fresh from the oven, they GRASP ahold of you and beg, "Did you read my blog? Wasn't I interesting? Wasn't I brilliant??? Could you feel my pain? I could!" And quicker than it began, they drop you like hot potato pancake, twirl their hair silently a couple of times and say, "Yeah, wasn't much... Just you know, where I am right now." It kinda makes me want to barf a little. And by a little I mean... you get the picture. 

"Buy a journal," I say. "Keep that for your kids to dig up, glance at, then throw away when you die." 

And then the internet kept existing. 

And then I filled up 12 journals.

And then, one night, it came a crublin' down it did. This little tower in Scoffland that I had built. One night in early January, 2009, as if I had run out the last of the reserves, I find myself, helplessly, typing away on the ol' computational device.

Its 1:52 AM. 

I just tried about 4-7 clever names before cursing them silly. How did that girl know, and then take(!) my parent's nickname for me? Does she want money? I could find it. No I couldn't. Or what about the guy that put two perfectly opposite words together, one of which is my last name? How did he do that before me? He's mean and a HALF! Then I remember that early birds get worms and jerks that make fun of people that write stuff for all to see can wait to the end of the line if the powers of the www deem it so. I.e.:  shut it Lynner UpsideDowney. 

Its 2:14 AM now. With every typed key I grow more enthralled with the click of my online voice. The addiction is so haunting. If I fall prey to the lure of blogging, (did I just type that word without malace?) what could be next? An endorsement for anorexia?  Starting all my sentences with the word, "Honestly." Lost marathons? OH PLEASE NO! Please please please no. 

At one time in my life I said I never wanted to win an Oscar. But really, I just wanted to win the Oscar and then say, "I don't even want it." That to me was the definition of enviable. I think its like that with the bl--ing word. I know I'd eat this stuff up, man. But I wouldn't ever want a soul to know I would. Scoffy, scoffy, bitter black scoffy. 

So tomorrow, please be kind when I approach you, or should I say, pretend not to approach you. I'll be sipping my espresso shot, non-chalantly mentioning something about a youtube clip, then dropping in a delicate a facebook reference, I'll sort of slip in there a quick, "Did ya... read my blog?" And when I do, please remember this: that it has been since this very moment's moment, or perhaps long ago that I have been eagerly, yearningly, patiently awaiting the daylight where I can slip next to you, all suave and uninterested until the desperation takes over and I cry out: "Wasn't I so deep and interesting? Wasn't my pain so real? Am I not more hilarious than a love child between the love child of Tina Fey/Steven Colbert and the love child of  Lucille Ball/Mel Brooks??? HELP ME, I BLAAAAWWWWWGED!" Please... remember I've been holding this for a long long time.  

And before you go, I might need some help getting cleaned up. I literally just blogged myself.